First topic message reminder :

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the
worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;

and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Immovable obstruction

Sam and Harry are playing one day. On the first hole, Sam hits a wicked slice into the adjoining fairway. The ball hits another player right between the eyes and he drops to the ground.

Sam and Harry rush over to the prostrate man and find him unconscious with the ball laying on the ground between his legs.
Sam screams, "
Oh my God, what should I do?"


Harry replies;
"
Don't move him. If you leave him there he becomes an immovable obstruction and, according to the rules, you are allowed a drop two club-lengths away."

Only in Bulgaria

Check this out its so [url=http:
//fc01.
deviantart.
com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.
swf:f14dze3o]FUNNY[/url:f14dze3o] better with sound is on

I loved it Ashley

* Collisions, calamities, and injuries.

* I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
* I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
* I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
* As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
* In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
* I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
* I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
* The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
* I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
* The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

A policeman sent his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife.
- No darling, we can’t do it here, our kid is watching us.
- You are right, lets go to the beach.
After a while, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks in on them.
- Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can’t do that in public.
- You are right - said the husband - but I had a moment of weakness. We didn’t see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.
- Don’t worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this b**** making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it.

Ladies may prefer not to watch this :) Adult content

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Its always been said that sex sells

Oh! technicality there free falling as a lot to desired they should at least keep abreast of all safely proceduces

paulhackling wrote:

Oh! technicality there free falling as a lot to desired they should at least keep abreast of all safely proceduces

You mean like not accidentally removing your bikini bottoms Would that be close to the bottom of the list?

Some women here in wales could make a safe landing using only there bikini bottoms providing the plane could get air borne

After seeing this advert I am never travelling British Airways again - their duty free was never this good

Bra Shopping


A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "
I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"


What type of bra?"
asked the clerk.

"
Type?"
inquires the man. "
There is more than one type?"


"
Look around,"
said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"
Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,"
replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "
The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
<


Still confused the man asked, "
What is the difference between them?"


The lady responded, "
It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

A man who just died is delivered to a local
mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would
like the body dressed.
She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is
already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked
his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care
what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for
the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake.
To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit
with a subtle chalk stripe;
the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost,
I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.
How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank
check.

'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite
blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in
shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive
blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave
wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as
long as he looked nice.

So I just switched the heads.'

Parrots for sale at £170, £150 and £10,
woman asks "
why is that parrot so cheap"

shopkeeper replies "
it used to live in a brothel"

the woman finds it funny and buys it,
she gets home and the parrot says "
f**k me a new brothel"
the woman laughs, her two daughters come home and the...parrot says "
f**k me new girls"
and they laugh, when her husband walks in the parrot says "
f**k me Keith, long time no see! :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: