First topic message reminder :

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the
worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;

and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

I think i have overdone the ready brek
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Mike

The funniest bit is were it says enlarge this image [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

are those his testicles dropping down to his knees?

on second glance, seems like a 'normal' bloke trying to get into a costume?

check out the 'original' head and shoulders before the rest.

Well spotted Chris



Mike

Some dodgy headlines:

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The last one is a bit cruel, but I couldn't help myself!

Nice one Chris

I went today to see my friend Chris,busy cleaning up outside his house

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Sorry Chris just could not resist


Mike

If you think your having a bad day look at this
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I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!
Car upside down in the bay - see guy standing on it? Call out the wrecker!
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Coming back up...coming...coming
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Coming...almost there!

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Ooops!
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I could have sworn I set the brakes on that truck !Time to get a Bigger Wrecker!
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Ok, we got the car...let's get the other wrecker now!

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O...O...oohhh No!!
Who's gonna explain this one to the insurance guys?

SEE....your day has not been so bad after all....

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking
for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
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Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed.. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'


'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

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Seems a good enough reason NOT to give up drinking!

Check for Alzheimer' s - Pretty Amazing!

The following was developed as a
mental age assessment by the School
of Psychiatry at Harvard University .
Take your time and see if you can
read each line aloud without a mistake.


The average person over 40 years of
age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8..This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in
each line from the top down
and I betcha' you cannot resist
passing it on!

COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a Formula 1 car?

Is it to fly a fighter in combat?

Is it to practice free falling parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?


Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?


Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to go on a defective Ferris wheel?



........those are nothing!



THIS is COURAGE!!!

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OOOOOOOOOPS THATS GOTTA HURT!

A New Zealand man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again... He tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

No, she says,
they're all in the Land Rover,
and one of them is beeping the horn.