First topic message reminder :

I have just heard that another business run by British is closing which may or may not be due to bullying. Folks obviously might be scared of giving the real reason. On this forum I remember reading that someone has left Bulgaria due to bullying by Brits. I am using the word 'bullying' to describe in general terms the nastiness that makes someone feel they have to leave somewhere where they are otherwise happy. I know this is an emotive topic but one which might need airing. I thought that maybe it would be good to have an outlet on this forum to let people know what can happen if you fall foul, for whatever reason (if there is one) of other British immigrants. Better still, give advice on how to counteract it.

sorry if you thought i said i wouldn't like other brits. i would love lots to move there. Its nice to be able to talk to others in your own language and talk about places in england. my point was that it had previously been a nice village with no trouble whereas now the police visit on an almost weekly basis to sort out fighting and threatening behaviour amongst the newer british owners. not quite the same as the bullying which some members have talked about. But as it is the same few doing the threatening and fighting it is a form of bullying. If any none bullying inclined people would like to live near me feel free, i'd love to meet you.

Sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick! I am a very quiet person and certainly would not like
to offend anyone. BUT I have heard other Brits complain about an influx of people to "
their"
village.
Another form of bullying I guess. Live and let live I say. :group:

Now with all this valuable information I have to ask (because we still want to come and live in BG) would anyone please care to PM me regarding which villages I ought to AVOID to steer clear of these cliques who spoil it for others, and any good villages or areas you can recommend that (so far) have only friendly, decent people who are not going to take exception to us joining them? And can I say Oldun, if I'd been lucky enough to be one of those you helped to settle, I'd have valued your frindship and wanted to return your generosity in whatever way would count for you. What a crying shame to have your kindness taken for granted and then forgotten. But whatever happens, nobody can take away from you the truth that you performed kind deeds for others, and this will always be to your credit.

Another good idea in theory Fruitlover but it would be unfair to pinpoint villages known for bullying. It maybe your personality would fit in nicely anywhere. However, I would advise caution in making quick judgements on friendships and to take time to digest all information that maybe given to you and then make up your own mind who you wish to befriend. Unfortunately, some bullies jump straight onto a newcomer and give all sorts of unfounded information about someone and immediately co-opt them to the clique. This is plainly unfair because remember, there are always two sides to a story. Unfortunately people don't want the truth to get in the way of that good story. Besides, there is an ebb and flow in villages where Brits settle as has been said and it would be a pity to miss out on an otherwise perfect little peace of heaven just because of a British bully. As Willowsend has said, there are some serious bullies out here but that is a fact wherever an expat settles - its just another hazzard to overcome. Please don't let this topic worry you too much but just be aware of easy friendships and gossip about those not present would be my advice.

Thankyou Oldun for these wise words. Just as well I'm from Yorkshire then where we say "
Believe nothing ye 'ear and only alf o' what yer see"
.

fruitlover wrote:

Now with all this valuable information I have to ask (because we still want to come and live in BG) would anyone please care to PM me regarding which villages I ought to AVOID to steer clear of these cliques who spoil it for others, and any good villages or areas you can recommend that (so far) have only friendly, decent people who are not going to take exception to us joining them? And can I say Oldun, if I'd been lucky enough to be one of those you helped to settle, I'd have valued your frindship and wanted to return your generosity in whatever way would count for you. What a crying shame to have your kindness taken for granted and then forgotten. But whatever happens, nobody can take away from you the truth that you performed kind deeds for others, and this will always be to your credit.

:Howdy:I don't think being realistic that you will ever find the perfect place to live, (one man's meat is another man's poison) although I can see where you are coming from
I think that if any member has useful/helpful local information it should be shared with every body on the forum, not through the pm system, that way we can all help each other whether it be good or bad
I spent four visit over one year covering most of Bulgaria before we bought our villa, we did not want to be part of a concrete jungle but we didn't want to be to isolated either, so we went for a new build in a village with just 160 inhabitants which includes one permanent British family and ourselves and one other British family with holiday homes
It is so accessable, being 40 minutes from Varna Airport. 7 minutes from the centre of Dobrich and 20 minutes to the beach at Balchik and all the villagers
are lovely people and it looks as if they are all making sure we are most welcome in THEIR village.

Thankyou Willowsend, very nice too, lovely villa and lovely pictures. Not everyone is comfortable about posting the bad along with the good (probably with valid reasons) and I'd rather hear by PM than not at all - especially where to avoid. If someone's having trouble with their neighbours and said neighbours are likely to be watching this forum, it would hardly be tactful to post publicly about it and invite reprisals. Your area sounds attractive but likely out of our price range this near the coast, and I do like hilly bits and some forest to walk in. We both love the coast but I don't do well on plains. If I could be near the sea in a hilly village next to a forest I'd be delighted! Only I'm not sure that exists in Bulgaria . . .

Bulgaria is big enough to never see a brit if you dont want to so dont mix with em walk away .

johnbaz wrote:

Bulgaria is big enough to never see a brit if you dont want to so dont mix with em walk away .

This post was edited for good reason by Chris. I don't want to see any more of this kind of talk in this discussion or indeed on this forum please note this is my final word on the matter.


This topic has turned out to be one of great interest to many on the forum, I will not lock it because we have a member who wishes to use it for his own purposes.

Well said admin I've been watching this topic from the beginning and it marvellous and it would be a shame to see it locked just because of one person who seems to want to get it closed? keep it up folks . Well done to Chris too for spotting the issue.

Thankyou to the member who has sent me an email through this forum recommending a good area. Forgive me for not replying directly, if you PM me through the forum I will be able to respond.

This has been an incredible read and insight to Bullying and yet its only touched the surface. I just wanted to thank all those who have posted here its been a real eye opener for me. Thank you

Following on from this topic I can quote a firsthand experience I have had which is generally nasty or at worst, bullying.
As many of you know, I sponsored the first Rockfest in our little village because I had my one and only windfall and thought 'lets have a party!' I also gave a party for the whole village, young and old, for the same reason as a thankyou for accepting us happily into the village where we had lived for 5 years. This was in 2009 and you might also know that I have told my experiences singing in our village folk choir.
You would think that there was no harm in this. However, some people have chosen to believe that I have appointed myself 'the leader of the English' in our village and that my personality is not cut out to be a leader and even my 'spirituality' has been seen as questionable. My partner has been assaulted in the street with Brits looking on and doing nothing which is to be a court case against the perpetrator ( a Bulgarian who has since apologised). He (my partner) suffered a broken leg which meant an ambulance was called and a policeman routinely came with it. It also means I have had to take up some of the things he did and villagers have also helped by strimming our garden and acting as a taxi to hospital. This is a very brief outline of various things which have gone on over the last three years. We have tried to keep ourselves to ourselves to defray more antagonism, but this is obviously not enough.
Last Saturday there was a very big meeting about the Rockfest called by the Mayor and there were about 30 big businessmen from the village who contribute to village funds although no longer resident in the village. Two English people threatened the Rockfest music organiser that if I was involved they would boycott it. Completely ridiculous because I really have no involvement except as an honorary Committee member because I sponsored the first one and Iwe give free accommodation to one of the groups. No notice was taken of this threat because it is anall Bulgarianevent anyway and we are liked! Its also blackmail. Apparently shops and bars have also been told they won't be used by the Brits if we use them regardless of the fact that they mostly don't anyway!
I am to sing at a festival this weekend with the choir and sing a solo. I feel so bad because of all the falsehoods that I wonder if I shouldn't go except that I know my village friends would not want this. I never asked to join the choir and indeed, I still feel embarrassed and nervous at every function, but the villagers and pensioners love to hear an English pensioner singing in their language even though I still need my 'words' in front of me. I never ever expected to be asked or to sing a solo!
I can't write more now and I have wondered if I should even put it out on open forum. However it is all true and much bullying happens because of the fear that worse will follow. We are not going to play the victims and although I doubt the court case will resolve anything, (my partner didn't want to press charges) at least we have no intention of leaving our idyllic village just because of 8 British people who bear such an unnecessary, untrue and unfair opinion of us.
Admin - please use your discretion about this post and delete if you think it unsuitable for the public domain. I will understand but I thought it would help anyone else in such a similar situation which is really unbelievable except its true! ::

Thanks for sharing oldun. I'm really sorry to read about you and your partners awful experience and I hope that anyone involed feel thoroughally ashamed of themselves. I'm glad you haven't given up the things you enjoy and good luck with your solo.

[size=150:3gcfgbnn]Adult Bullying

oldun, I don't think for one minute that Admin or Mods should find it necessary to delete your post, after all you are good enough to share your problem with fellow poster's and friends on the forum, so well done for printing it and I hope you get it sorted. Having been bullied ourselves I can fully understand your wish to go public and disclose some true facts. On a personal note I can state that I found great comfort in sharing my problems with most of the members on a couple of forums, you will always get the odd few who take great delight in saying serves you right, you shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't have done that and so on, but that is not to bad when it is noted that there has been over 80,000 viewings on my property related fraud thread, so I say thank you to the forums who have given me the scope for discussing my problems, so oldun you carry on and I for one will support you to fight for justice and stamp out bullying after all the perpetrators are usually cowards and jealous of other people success and well being

You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. Read this article to learn more about different types of adult bullies and get some ideas on how to deal with an adult bully. Adult bullying is a serious problem and may require legal action.

One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.”

[size=150:3gcfgbnn]There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

1.Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
2.Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.
3.Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
4.Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage - to the bully - of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
5.Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.
Workplace bullying can make life quite miserable and difficult. Supervisors should be made aware of adult bullies, since they can disrupt productivity, create a hostile work environment (opening the company to the risk of a law suit) and reduce morale.

It is important to note, though, that there is little you can do about an adult bully, other than ignore and try to avoid, after reporting the abuse. This is because adult bullies are often in a set pattern. They are not interested in working things out and they are not interested in compromise. Rather, adult bullies are more interested in power and domination. They want to feel as though they are important and preferred, and they accomplish this by bringing others down. There is very little you can do to change an adult bully, beyond working within the confines of laws and regulations that are set up. The good news is that, if you can document the bullying, there are legal and civil remedies for harassment, abuse and other forms of bullying. But you have to be able to document the case.

Adult bullies were often either bullies as children, or bullied as children. Understanding this about them may be able to help you cope with the behavior. But there is little you can do about it beyond doing your best to ignore the bully, report his or her behavior to the proper authorities, and document the instances of bullying so that you can take legal action down the road if necessary.

oldun, hope that helps to let you know that you are not on your own, fight the good fight with all your might