First topic message reminder :

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the
worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;

and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Ah ah funnier

Hmmmmmmmmm...........prove you are funnier than me, Tony


Life is learning about dancing in the rain and not paying attention to the storm.

Well, if you think that's funny, take this:

He who laughs the longest comes to mind here so I declare George the winner

[align=center:xv609i70][size=150:xv609i70]We have to stop cutting down trees.

This is getting serious![/align:xv609i70]

Don't you just love these kind of things they make my day

hahahhahahhaha

British Humour

For those who appreciate the quirky,
politically incorrect humour................





Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside...

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Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake -

both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.


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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said

'We didn't even know they were living up there'.

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Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough

television shows with minorities in mind,

so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.


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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me...

I mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?

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I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.



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I was reading in the paper today about

this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?


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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke

standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him;
"
What's up, Abdul, won't it start?"

This was too funny not to share.......Enjoy.
A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he
was unable to get his manhood erect.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the
base
of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was
nothing he could actually do for him.
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is
willing to take the risk.
The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's
trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go
through
life without sex was too much for him to bear.
So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant,
the
man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and
try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took
her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he
felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being
extremely painful.


To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out,
slid
across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his
trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her
face
said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes he replied,


'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my
arse'


Oh and just for George
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

and an

Education....



A man is stopped by the police at midnight seemingly wandering about aimlessly and is asked where he’s going.



“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”



The policeman asks, “ Oh really?’’

‘‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”



“My wife”, comes the reply.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Very good Tony and how true

I came home last week after spending 4 weeks in the UK working, thought I'd surprised my wife by not telling her I was on my way....got to the house, went upstairs to the bedroom and there she was in bed with a midget......I was gutted because she promised me that she was going to stop having affairs....so asked her why, she said 'Look, I am trying to cut down' [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Hi Kahl thanks for the joke but can you please put all jokes in the section entitled Ex Pats Lounge.

We use this area just in case young one's read these things where there is a warning just in case there is any adult content.

Thank you

Tony