My sister has a problem with one of her children who has ADHD so I asked her to add something here hope no one minds because she isn't a member
I used to think ADHD was something of a joke, an excuse. I believed there was such a thing as a hyper-active child, just didn't understand why parents and counsellors made such a big deal about it. So the child can't sit still, what child can really?
I'd been stepmother to 3 children, and had 2 children of my own. They were all active in some way or other. I used to tell people that my daughter wore me out emotionally and my son wore me out physically. Children are ever evolving and learning, so of course they're active, and some are hyper-active. That's just the way it is.
Then I had my youngest, Flint. There was something different about him almost from the start. He wasn't a troublesome baby, in fact of my three, he was probably the easiest. Perhaps I'd just become experienced, I thought. But I found myself telling people that it was like Flint had an "
old soul"
. He just seemed to pick up on things without having to really be taught.
As he became a toddler, I noticed certain things about him that I hadn't experienced with my other children. He was terrified of loud noises. He didn't seem to notice when he got hurt. He could sit quietly for hours telling himself stories, but couldn't sit long enough at the dining table to eat a meal. He seemed to notice everything around him and could remember places and events that his siblings and I couldn't recall. Yet he couldn't learn to tie his shoes, and was often found running around half dressed. He often wandered off on his own, and though he understood my rules, seemed to always be "
forgetting"
to follow them. He wasn't being defiant, just "
forgetful"
.
Flint is a beautiful, creative, sensitive child. He's very smart. But the older he got, the more troublesome he grew. I was not liking my child very much. I felt like I had to follow him around all day saying, "
Flint, do this"
;
"
Flint, don't do that"
;
"
Flint, why are you saying that"
...I couldn't understand why teaching him to follow basic rules and how to take care of himself had become so difficult. He just didn't seem to "
get it"
. I was starting to think he had a touch of autism or something similar.
His PCP told me to take him to counselling. All through the sessions, Flint would ask random questions, look out the window, ask to draw on the whiteboard, but otherwise, couldn't follow the flow of the conversation with the counsellor. The counsellor just didn't seem to see that Flint wasn't gaining anything from her, since he wasn't even paying any attention. After only 4 sessions, I stopped going out of pure frustration with both the counsellor and Flint.
I wrote a letter to a specialist in child development, and finally, I received the response I was looking for. They agreed to evaluate Flint. I almost couldn't believe it when they told me his diagnosis was ADHD. What was even more amazing was when I began giving him the medication. I found that I actually like him after all.
What I've come to learn over these last 9 years of raising Flint is that perception is so much different than reality. I've learned that ADHD isn't just some excuse parents use to explain their child's bad behaviour. I've learned how draining it is to care for a special needs child, even if it's "
just ADHD"
. Even with the medication, I still have to remind Flint how to dress every morning, and how to keep himself safe and clean throughout the day. Flint still has a hard time grasping the intricacies of social situations, and gets into fights often. But the bottom line is, I haven't been a bad parent. I just had to find the right people to explain to me Flint's needs. If only I could make the rest of the world understand.